To be 8 again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his  wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of  Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
  the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite
 candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!  

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
 

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.  

'I meant my dress size, you %@*#*! !!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.


Regards
Palani

Managing Director
PAL Vision Associates

12B5H, 12th Floor, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur.
Hp: +60123063994 Off: +60379635075 Fax: +60367315603

e: palani.nn@gmail.com w: palvision.blogspot.com

The Dead Cow Lecture

 

This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard.

First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked a them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. Note: I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

 

 

Regards
Palani

Managing Director
PAL Vision Associates

12B5H, 12th Floor, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur.
Hp: +60123063994 Off: +60379635075 Fax: +60367315603

e: palani.nn@gmail.com w: palvision.blogspot.com

Bill & Hillary

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
 
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
 

Passed on

Robert brought flowers to his departed wife's grave once a week. On one such visit, he heard painful sobs from a nearby plot and was touched by the sight of a man crying unabashedly while clutching a tombstone saying " Why? Why did you have to die? Why!?"

 

Approaching carefully, Robert told the man, " Hello, you must love the departed very very much. Was she your wife?"

 

The man looked up with tears in his eyes, " No! My wife's first husband!"

 

Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen,  preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for  breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she  normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost  awake, she turned to me and said  softly,
"You've got to make love to me this  very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought,  "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be  my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I  embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen  table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the  stove, her T-shirt still around her  neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I  asked, "What was that all  about?"

She  explained, "The egg timer's  broken."


A Thoughtful Husband

Dial God's Phone Number.....

 

GOD'S "PHONE" NUMBER

This is Beautiful .

Hello God, I called tonight 
To talk a little while 
I need a friend who'll listen 
To my anxiety and trials. 

You see, I can't quite make it 
Through a day just on my own... 
I need your love to guide me, 
So I'll never feel alone. 

I want to ask you please to keep, 
My family and friends safe and sound. 
Come and fill their lives with confidence 
For whatever fate they're bound. 

Give me faith, dear God, to face 
Each hour throughout the day, 
And not to worry over things 
I can't change in any way. 

I thank you God, for being home 
And listening to my call, 
For giving me such good advice 
When I stumble and fall...!!!!!!!

 

Regards
Palani

Managing Director
PAL Vision Associates

12B5H, 12th Floor, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur.
Hp: +60123063994 Off: +60379635075 Fax: +60367315603

e: palani.nn@gmail.com w: palvision.blogspot.com

VATICAN HUMOR

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
 
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
 
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
 
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!  What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..
 
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
 
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
 
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
 
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
 
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
 
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
 
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
 
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
 
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
 
The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
 
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
 
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
 
Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'  
 
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
 
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
 
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
 
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
 
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

[Law of Attraction]

If you think or say, 'I always get jetlag when I travel,' your cells receive 'jetlag' as a command, and they must carry out your instructions. Think and feel that you have a weight problem, and your cells receive the order of a weight problem. They must follow your instructions and keep your body in an overweight condition.

Laughter the Medicine

The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. "Do you realize what time it is? " she asked. He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house. " Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear? " His answer was, "A round of drinks! "