Are women smarter than men?

Bottle of Wine 

(Women will LOVE this one!)

 

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.' Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.' The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?' The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

 

Take care..

 

Regards

Palani

palvision.blogspot.com

 

 

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Club 99

Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.

One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy.  The King asked the servant, 'Why are you so happy?'

The man replied, 'Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies.'

The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King's woes and the servant's' story, the advisor said, 'Your Majesty, I believe that the servant Has not been made part of The 99 Club.'

'The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?' the King inquired.

The advisor replied, 'Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep.'

When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... So many gold coins!

He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, 'What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!' He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.

From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.

Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, 'Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club.'

He continued, 'The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough To be happy but are never contented, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 saying to themselves: 'Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life.'

We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.

That's the 99 club.  
 
We can, perhaps all learn from this story - Stop worrying and enjoy life with what we have! 
Take care..

Regards
Palani
PAL Vision Associates
palani.nn@gmail.com ,http://palvision.blogspot.com/
H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603
Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur.

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DON'T EAT TOO MUCH RICE

The human body was never meant to consume rice! You see, our genes have hardly changed in more than 30,000 years. However, our food choices and lifestyle have changed dramatically. The caveman would hardly recognize our food or way of life.

Caveman food was never cooked as fire was not yet tamed. Thus, he ate only those foods that you can eat without treatment with or by fire. He ate fruits, vegetables, fish (sushi anyone?), eggs, nuts and meat. Yes, even meat. You can even eat meat raw if you were starving in the forest. You have the necessary enzymes to digest meat.

However, rice, like wheat and corn, cannot be eaten raw. It must be cooked. Even if you were starving in the desert, you cannot eat rice in the raw form. This is because we do not have the system of enzymes to break rice down. You were never meant to eat rice. To make matters worse, you not only eat rice, but also make it the bulk of your food.

In some parts of Asia , rice forms up to 85% of the plate. Even if you take rice, keep it to a minimum. Remember, it is only for your tongue - not your body. Actually, rice and other grains like wheat and corn are actually worse than sugar. There are many reasons:
Rice becomes sugar - lots of it
This is a fact that no nutritionist can deny: rice is chemically no different from sugar. One bowl of cooked rice is the caloric equal of 10 teaspoons of sugar. This does not matter whether it is white, brown or herbal rice. Brown rice is richer in fiber, some B vitamins and minerals but it is still the caloric equal of 10 teaspoons of sugar. To get the same 10 teaspoons of sugar, you need to consume lots of kangkong - 10 bowls of it.

Rice is digested to become sugar.
Rice cannot be digested before it is thoroughly cooked. However, when thoroughly cooked, it becomes sugar and spikes circulating blood sugar within half an hour - almost as quickly as it would if you took a sugar candy. Rice is very low in the "rainbow of anti-oxidants".
This complete anti-oxidant rainbow is necessary for the effective and safe utilization of sugar. Fruits come with a sugar called fructose. However, they are not empty calories as the fruit is packed with a whole host of other nutrients that help its proper assimilation and digestion.
Rice has no fiber. The fiber of the kangkong fills you up long before your blood sugar spikes. This is because the fiber bulks and fills up your stomach. Since white rice has no fiber, you end up eating lots of "calorie dense" food before you get filled up. Brown rice has more fiber but still the same amount of sugar.
Rice is tasteless - Sugar is sweet. There is only so much that you can eat at one sitting. How many teaspoons of sugar can you eat before you feel like throwing up? Could you imagine eating 10 teaspoons of sugar in one seating?
Rice is always the main part of the meal - While sugar may fill your dessert or sweeten your coffee, it will never be the main part of any meal. You could eat maybe two to three teaspoons of sugar at one meal. However, you could easily eat the equal value of two to three bowls (20 - 30 teaspoons) of sugar in one meal. I am always amused when I see someone eat sometimes five bowls of rice (equals 50 teaspoons of sugar) and then asks for tea tarik kurang manis!

There is no real "built in" mechanism for us to prevent overeating of rice
How much kangkong can you eat? How much fried chicken can you eat? How much steamed fish can you eat? Think about that! In one seating, you cannot take lots of chicken, fish or cucumber, but you can take lots of rice. Eating rice causes you to eat more salt.

As rice is tasteless, you tend to consume more salt - another villain when it comes to high blood pressure. You tend to take more curry that has salt to help flavor rice. We also tend to consume more ketchup and soy sauce which are also rich in salt.
Eating rice causes you to drink less water. The more rice you eat, the less water you will drink as there is no mechanism to prevent the overeating of rice. Rice, wheat and corn come hidden in our daily food. As rice is tasteless, it tends to end up in other foods that substitute rice like rice flour, noodles and bread. We tend to eat the hidden forms which still get digested into sugar. Rice, even when cooked, is difficult to digest
Can't eat raw rice? Try eating rice half cooked. Contrary to popular belief, rice is very difficult to digest. It is "heavy stuff". If you have problems with digestion, try skipping rice for a few days. You will be amazed at how the problem will just go away.
Rice prevents the absorption of several vitamins and minerals. Rice when taken in bulk will reduce the absorption of vital nutrients like zinc, iron and the B vitamins.
Are you a rice addict? Going rice-less may not be easy but you can go rice-less. Eating less rice could be lot easier than you think. Here are some strategies that you can pursue in your quest to eat less rice:
Eat less rice - Cut your rice by half. Barry Sears, author of the Zone Diet, advises "eating rice like spice".
Instead, increase your fruits and vegetables.
Take more lean meat and fish.
You can even take more eggs and nuts.
Have "riceless" meals. Take no rice or wheat at say, breakfast. Go for eggs instead.
Go on "riceless" days - Go "western" once a week.
Take no rice and breads for one day every week. That can't be too difficult. Appreciate the richness of your food. Go for taste, colors and smells. Make eating a culinary delight. Enjoy your food in the original flavors.
Avoid the salt shaker or ketchup. You will automatically eat less rice.
Eat your fruit dessert before (Yes! No printing error) your meals.
The fibre rich fruits will "bulk up" in your stomach. Thus, you will eat less rice and more fruits

Take care..
Regards
Palani
PAL Vision Associates
palani.nn@gmail.com
http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994
Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603
Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

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Good Words

A person’s character is what it is. It’s a little like a marriage – only without the option of divorce.

You can work on it and try to make it better, but basically you have to take the bitter with the sweet.

The Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly.
So I asked,Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call The Law of the Garbage Truck.

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so, Love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don’t.

 

http://palmotivations.blogspot.com/

 

Take care..

 

Regards

Palani

PAL Vision Associates

palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5^th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

pal_vision-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ç Click here to subscribe to PalVision Mailing List

 

Strength Or Weakness

Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.

The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"

"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.

"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?" "You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grip your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

Take care..

Regards
Palani
PAL Vision Associates
palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

Send mail to pal_vision-subscribe@yahoogroups.com to subscribe to PalVision Mailing List
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How Ego sometimes misjudges a PERSON

A lady in a faded grey dress and her husband, dressed in a home-spun suit walked in timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Harvard.

 

"We want to see the President "the ma n said softly.

"He'll be busy all day "the secretary snapped.

"We'll wait" the lady replied.

 

For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president..

"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave" she said to him. The President, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

 

The lady told him "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

 

The president wasn't touched....He was shocked. "Madam "he said, gruffly, " we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."

"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly" We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."

 

The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, and then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard."

For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now. The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a university ? Why don't we just start our own?"

Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name: -StanfordUniversity, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.

Most of the time we judge people by their outer appearance, which can be misleading. And in this impression, we tend to treat people badly by thinking they can do nothing for us. Thus we tend to lose our potential good friends, employees or customers.

Remember

In our Life, we seldom get people with whom we want to share & grow our thought process. But because of our inner EGO we miss them forever.

 

It is you who have to decide with whom you are getting associated in day to day life.

Small people talk about others,

Average people talk about things,

Great people talk about ideas.

 

Take care..

Regards

Palani

PAL Vision Associates

 

10 Best Honeymoon Destinations In The World

Honeymoons are a special time for newlyweds. This is the period when you get to abandon all other cares in the world and devote yourselves entirely to enjoying each other’s company. While love can certainly be enjoyed wherever you are, there are certain places across the planet that will make your honeymoon even more memorable. Check out the following best honeymoon destinations in the world:

 

01. Hawaii

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With all that it has to offer for just about any type of couple, Hawaii is never far from anyone’s mind when it comes to the top 10 honeymoon destinations in the world. Hawaii was (and is) hugely popular with tourists and honeymooners alike, even before the place became one of America’s fifty states in the year 1959. Numerous five-star resorts and beach villas offer total luxury, while rustic eco-resorts are also available for a more authentic Hawaiian experience.

 

Made up of hundreds of isles spanning the Pacific Ocean in about 1,500 miles, Hawaii’s most famous islands include the big island itself (Hawaii), Maui, and Oahu. Within these islands you’ll find every kind of attraction that might bring you and your loved one extreme pleasure – from water sports like scuba diving and parasailing to nature activities like volcano tours and mountain biking. Of course, a luau or traditional Hawaiian feast may be the perfect ending to a fun-filled day before you both retire to your room for a night of pure romance. 09 more after the break...

 

02. Rome and other Italian Cities

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If you’ve got your hearts set on a destination that’s brimming with old-world charm and romance, then you need not look further than Italy. Italy is undoubtedly one of the top honeymoon destinations in the world. There’s truly nothing better than being able to walk hand-in-hand on cobblestone streets while you both admire the stunning architecture around you.

 

There are also plenty of old, classic churches, wonderful museums, amazing art galleries, bistros, and cafes for you and your loved one to enjoy. While it can be extremely difficult to decide on which particular region of the country to visit, it helps if you know what kind of things you both take pleasure in.

 

Rome has a dramatic character that will leave you and your darling literally breathless with admiration. Tuscany has plenty of rolling hills to provide the most romantic backdrop as you sip glorious wine. Culture and superb shopping make Florentine a must-visit region, while breathtaking panoramas of mountains and lakes render Lake Como an equally enjoyable destination as well. Milan and Venice are worth checking out too.

 

03. Paris, France 

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This list of the top 10 honeymoon destinations in the world simply won’t be complete without France. After all, it is where you’ll find the City of Lights! Paris is a favorite romantic honeymoon destination, not just for newlyweds but also for all lovers.

 

Strolling around its streets is enough to provide romance, but if in case that doesn’t do it for you, then there are plenty of things in France that will. Any hotel you choose will treat you and your sweetheart like a royal couple, and romantic and sumptuous meals over candlelight are never hard to find. Extensive and impressive art collections for art enthusiasts are everywhere.

 

Spectacular sights include beautiful museums, stunning architecture, and ancient churches. Who can also forget to mention the iconic Eiffel Tower? Paris is just filled to the brim with gorgeous views, world-class shops, magnificent restaurants, and a romantic ambience all its own. If you’ve gotten your fill of the wonderful city, you can also take side trips to the rest of the region. You won’t run out of things to do and sights to see in France.

 

04. Bora Bora, French Polynesia 

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Situated in the French Polynesia, Bora Bora certainly deserves to be listed as one of the best honeymoon destinations in the world. It features crystal clear waters, fine white-sand beaches, as well as a number of other attractions that make the island worthy of its reputation. There’s an endless list of the resorts you can stay at with accommodations ranging from luxurious rooms to charming thatched-roof villas to bungalows on stilts.

 

There’s also a host of things you can do aside from swimming in the waters with your better half. You can take full advantage of the numerous nightclubs and bars, and you can even get a helicopter to take both of you to admire the beauty of Bora Bora from above. That’s a sight you will both probably never forget.

 

05. The Bahamas

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After planning the wedding of the century, both of you definitely need to have some time to yourselves to just sit back and relax. There’s no better place to do just that than the Bahamas! A far cry from when Columbus discovered it in 1492, the Bahamas is now steeped in utter luxury and comfort while still maintaining all its natural charms.

 

The island chain is the ideal place for engaging in adventures such as shipwreck exploring, underwater cave diving, and yes, swimming. The multicolor coral reefs are a sight you mustn’t miss, while the local culture at any of the villages might be worth sampling as well. The only dilemma you’ll be facing at the Bahamas is which heavenly beach to visit. Of course, there’s no such thing as a wrong choice when it comes to this matter. 

 

Speaking of choices, you also have plenty of hotels, resorts, and B&Bs to choose from. The wide-ranging accommodations make it possible for you to book the Bahamas honeymoon you truly want at the rates you need.

 

06. Las Vegas 

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Who said that Las Vegas was just famous for Elvis-officiated weddings? Even if you just came to get hitched in a way that’s as hassle-free as possible, you might want to stick around for your honeymoon as well. Though rough around the edges, Las Vegas has plenty of amusements for you and your lifetime partner. The city doesn’t seem to sleep, and you’ll find lots of activities to keep both of you fully occupied (together) the entire day.

 

You can book yourselves an appointment at any one of the spas for a day of pampering and relaxing. At night, you can try your luck at the numerous casinos along the Vegas Strip. If gambling isn’t really your cup of tea, you can also try the plethora of theaters, dance clubs, lounge shows, and nightclubs. Be sure to get your hands on show tickets in advance. The most famous performances can be packed, and you’ll have a hard time purchasing last-minute tickets.  All these exciting offerings make Las Vegas one of the most unique and best honeymoon destinations in the world.

 

07. Bali, Indonesia

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Bali is probably Asia’s most famous honeymoon destination. From an exotic culture to beautiful sun-kissed beaches to unspoiled rainforests, Bali has all the makings of the idyllic honeymoon spot.  You can take your partner on a number of active pursuits such as paragliding, snorkeling, surfing, or rafting. You can even go on day trips and be entranced by the heartwarming hospitality and the exotic culture of the Balinese.

 

Of course, you can always take the entire day off and do nothing but be with your loved one. A day spent sharing a hammock with your new wife or husband is a day well spent for honeymooners in this part of the world.

 

08. Orlando, Florida

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If you’re too eager to start the honeymoon and don’t want to stray too far from home, you don’t need to travel far to have the honeymoon of your dreams. Florida can serve as the perfect honeymoon setting for just about anyone. The beaches in Florida Keys are absolutely divine, while the Florida Everglades offer ecological tours for adventure-seeking couples.

 

For an even greater adventure, why not relive the joys of your childhood by visiting Walt Disney World Resorts in Orlando? There are plenty of packages that couples to choose from in order to get exactly what they want in terms of park passes, amenities, and accommodations. One particular package suited for newlyweds is the ultra-exciting Romantic Escape. It’s absolutely wonderful for anyone who wants to spend time at a Disney resort as well as take a lovely cruise to the Bahamas. Walt Disney couldn’t have come up with a more perfect fairy tale setting for you and your Prince Charming.

 

09. Banff, Canada

Photo — Link

 

Not every honeymoon has to be in a sunny tropical paradise. Banff is a beautiful, romantic resort town set in the Canadian Rockies. You can even take a trip into the wilderness on a whimsical sleigh ride, or you and your honey can also go ice skating on a frozen river, snowshoeing against the backdrop of the rocky mountains, cross-country and downhill skiing, and even dog sledding. After a fulfilling day in the snow, both of you can enjoy the warmth of a fireplace, sip some hot chocolate, and snuggle to your hearts’ content. For the best experience, stay at the Fairmont Chateau at Lake Louise (just outside of Banff), or the Fairmont Springs Hotel in Banff.

 

Aside from fabulous winter activities, the resort has plenty to offer all year round. During the warmer months, lovers can participate in any of the resort’s many outdoor activities like hiking, rafting, and horseback riding. Now, that’s a physically-engaging honeymoon!

 

10. Munnar, India

Photo — Link

 

Kerala is the most popular honeymoon destination in India, particularly because of its romantic resorts on the beaches, backwaters and hill stations. Top ten honeymoon destinations in Kerala are Munnar Hill station, Kumarakom Backwaters, Alleppey Houseboats, Thekkady wildlife sanctuary, Koavalam Beach, Waynadu Hills, Marari Beach, Athirapally waterfalls, Vagamon Hills and Bekal Beach. Honeymooners include above tourist places in their honeymoon packages.

 

If you like tea, a visit to Munnar is a must! The surrounding region is renowned for its sprawling tea plantations. See tea being picked and processed, and try fresh tea straight from the gardens. There's even a tea museum. The area is blessed with the natural beauty of winding lanes, misty hills, and forests full of exotic plants and wildlife. Adventure enthusiasts can trek to Anamudi, the highest peak in south India, explore Eravikulam National Park, or go rock climbing and para gliding.

 

The Three Bears - NEW Version.....

.
                                                                                                      
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.... 


Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. 

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty... 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. 

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'How many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. 

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water. 

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arsis downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once..... 



'I HAVEN'T MADE THE SODDING PORRIDGE YET !!'

 

Take care..

 

Regards

Palani

PAL Vision Associates

palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5^th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

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Men.......Reasons for Sensitivity Training

* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

* The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Description

After being married for many years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an Alphabet wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks ... "What the heck does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous, Gorgeous, and Hot".
She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
 
[The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving another part of his anatomy ! ].
Keep smiling. my friends!
 

Disposable chopsticks

Disposable chopsticks ...Please take the time to read this.

This is a true case. If you don't believe it, try the following test:

Soak a pair of disposable chopsticks (usually given to you when you buy pack food from a Chinese take-away e.g. char koay teow/wantan mee etc.) for between 3 to 5 minutes inside hot boiling water.

Within minutes and right in front of your eyes,you will notice that some white colouring matter seems to be dissolved into the hot water from the chopsticks.

What is released from the chopsticks is actually a chemical - a bleaching agent.

In a campaign promoting healthy care in Singapore recently, Professor Jackson Mathis reminds people not to use disposable chopsticks, as almost the majority of them are made in or imported from China.

He explained that during the manufacturing process of disposable chop-sticks before the actual production itself, all raw materials are already cover-grown with germs that make the wood materials look like they are coated in multiple colours or are covered with poisonous fungus.

The first process itself is already frightening as the manufacturer starts the process by soaking up the wooden raw materials inside a very big container that is filled with a very toxic and highly poisonous chemical.

This chemical is intentionally added in, in order to preserve the materials. After a few days of soaking, they are then washed with an even worse cleaning agent. In this case, it is a bleaching agent (which
chemical ph level is believe to be more than a thousand times over the general permissible/acceptable international standards). And guess what?

These chemicals itself is likely to cause greater harm to our health (if we continue consuming such chemicals into our body on a daily basis) not forgetting that since these chemicals used are usually carcinogenic in nature, they are likely to cause cancer.

Since his last visit to a disposable chopsticks manufacturing plant in China 5 years ago, Professor Jackson Mathis has immediately stopped using such disposable chopsticks anymore.

In Professor Jackson case, just in case if he ever forgets to bring along his own pair of chopsticks for lunch or dinner, he usually makes sure that he does not forget to put one pair of it inside his bag since it can be re-use again and again.

Professor Jackson Mathis said: "If you have been using disposable chopsticks in the past, and you insist on continue using them again, please pause and think for a moment. Why is cancer spreading like wild fire these days throughout the world affecting all sorts of people. After that, think of how many pairs of disposable chopsticks a factory in China is producing by the minute. The answer itself is right here!"

The Truth About White Bread

The Truth About White  Bread
We know that there are  many people round the world who enjoy eating white bread. But today, we'd like  to give you some facts that may shock and surprise you. It's not only that  white bread isn't good for your health, it can actually be a real danger to  your health!

The Swiss government has been aware of the dangers of eating  white bread for decades and in order to get its populace to stop eating it,  Switzerland has placed a tax on the purchase of white bread. The tax money is  given to bakers to reduce the price of whole wheat bread to encourage people  to switch.

The Canadian government passed a law prohibiting the  "enrichment" of white bread with synthetic vitamins. Bread must contain the  original vitamins found in the grain, not imitations .

Essentially,  white bread is dead bread. Frequently, consumers are not told the truth  about this and so called "enriched" flour.

Why is  the color of white bread so white when the flour taken from wheat is  not?
It's because the flour used to  make white bread is chemically bleached, just like you bleach your clothes.  When you are eating white bread, you are also eating residual chemical bleach  . Flour mills use different chemical bleaches, all of which are pretty bad.  

Here are a few of them:  Oxide of nitrogen, chlorine, chloride,  nitrosyl and benzoyl peroxide mixed with various chemical salts.

One  bleaching agent, chloride oxide, combined with whatever proteins are still  left in the flour, produces alloxan. Alloxon is a poison and has been used to  produce diabetes in laboratory animals.

Chlorine oxide destroys the  vital wheat germ oil. It will also shorten the flour's shelf life.  

Good  Nutrition: You won't find it In white  bread In the process of making flour white, half of the good unsaturated fatty  acids, that are high in food value, are lost in the milling process alone, and  virtually all the vitamin E is lost with the removal of wheat germ and bran.  
As a result, the remaining flour in the white bread you buy, contains only  poor quality proteins and fattening starch. But that is not the whole story as  to the loss of nutrients.

Here  are some other statistics about the huge loss of nutrients when white bread is  made:

・ About 50% of all  calcium is lost

・ 70% of phosphorus

・ 80% of iron

・  98% of magnesium

・ 75% of manganese

・ 50% of potassium and  

・ 65% of of copper is destroyed when white bread is made.

・  80% of thiamin, 60% of riboflavin, 75% of niacin, 50% of pantothenic acid.  

・ About 50% of Pyridoxine is also lost.

Scientific study has  confirmed what the swiss have known for years these horrific numbers are the  results of a study run by the university of california, college of  agriculture. It is obvious, from what we have learned, that white bread should  be avoided.

Whole wheat,  rye and grain breads made with whole wheat flour are a better way.  

It is a good idea to always read the labels and never  buy foods that contain artificial flavors, colors, bleached flour,  preservatives, hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils.  

Age

HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. 

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. 

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL . 

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED 

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. 

THEN THE UGLY, 

OLD, 

BALD, 

WRINKLED, 

FAT ARSED, 

GREY HAIRED, 

BASTARD ASKED..

"WHAT DID YOU TEACH ??????

New Virus

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

 

Take Care….

 

Take care..

Regards

Philo & Palani

PAL Vision Associates

palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5^th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

 

Little Girl on the Plane

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned To her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike Up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total ... Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask You a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same Stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"   The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, Thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.

 

 

Take care..

 

Regards

Palani

PAL Vision Associates

palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5^th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

pal_vision-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ç Click here to subscribe to PalVision Mailing List

Marriage

Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the  wedding, he laid  
down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.  Any comments?'
 
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me.  Just understand that there will be sex here  at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

Migrating to Australia

A Chinese man decides to retire and move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

 

He bought a small piece of land . A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

 

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate  into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

 

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way,...pause...., and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

 

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs?

I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'

 

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no ... Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.'

 

'What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.'

 

Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me' replied the Chinese man,

'He say to become true Australian, I must learn to..... chase chicks,..... get piss drunk, and .... listen to bull-shit.'

Apples that changed the world

Please read - tell your sons / daughters

Please take time to read!! Very important!!! tell your friends, sons/daughters about it

 

A well-known family in Mequon lost their 25 year old son (Arun Gopal Ratnam) in a fire at home June 4th.

This is what happened. He graduated with MBA from University of Wisconsin-Madison two weeks earlier and came home. Had a lunch with his dad at home and decided to go back to clean up his room at school. Father told him to wait and see his mother before he goes back for a few days.

 

He decided to take a nap while waiting for his mom to come home from work.

Neighbors called 911 when they saw black smoke coming out of the house. Their 25 year old son Arun died in the three year old house. It took several days of investigation to find out the cause of the fire.

 

It was determined that the fire was caused by lap top in the bed.

When the lap top is on the bed cooling fan does not get air to cool the computer and that is what caused the fire.

Uneven surface of the bed sheet has blocked the air intake vent below the cpu fan. When the laptop is placed on a flat surface i.e. on desk/table, there is a gap between the desk surface and the base of the casing to allow air to flow/suck in through the air intake vent by the cpu fan to cool the cpu.

 

This paragraph is added in by sender for better understanding of the scenario.

He did not even wake up to get out of the bed he died of carbon monoxide (CO).

The reason I'm writing this to all of you is that I have seen all of us using our lap top in bed. Let us all decide and make it a practice not to do that. Risk is real. Let us make it a rule not to use lap top in bed or put computer on bed with blankets and pillows around.

 

Broadcast this message & you may save others!!

 

LAUGHTHER THE BEST MEDICINE

Advertisement  In Shop:  
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap........
.......no  strings attached.


Ad. In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight....
One Lung At A  Time!  


On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.  
The more The Success,
The more The  Relatives.  
 

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking....
I Gave Up Reading  
 

My Grandfather Is Eighty
And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.  


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay In Advance.'   


Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her Way....


Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman. 
 

The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions. 
 

Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.  


Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone 


The Surest Sign
That Intelligent Life Exists  
Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.  
 

Sign At A Barber's Shop :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..  
 

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager

High Level Maths

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

 

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

 

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

 

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

 

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

_____________________________

HAPPINESS

 

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

______________________________

LONGEVITY

 

Married men live longer than single men do but married men are a lot more willing to die.

 

______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 

_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

 

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

 

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

*******

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

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