*WEDDING STORY*

💍💍💍⚡⚡⚡

At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.

The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started slowly walking toward the pastor.

Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other strange looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

The woman replied, "I can't hear from the back."

😂😂😂

*MORAL OF THE STORY*

Never jump to a conclusion without getting the full story!

THE OLD ENGINE

----------------------------

A 78 yrs old white man who married a beautiful young woman (28 yrs old).

In the hospital when his young wife delivered the first baby...

Doctor: "Congratulations, you got a 3.5 kg baby boy..."

The Old man (smile): "My old engine still work well."

A year later the woman delivered the second baby...

Doctor :  "Congratulations, you got a 3.0 kg baby girl..."

The Old Man (still in his big smile) : "Hmmm my old engine is still good !!!"

After 1 and half year later the woman delivered the 3rd baby... still in the same hospital and the same doctor ...

Doctor: "Congratulations, this time is a boy again... only  3.0 kg."

..

"Wow...my old engine still doing good... I can't believe..." said the old white man still in his big smile...

Doctor : "Yes... but i think you better change your engine oil... because this time the baby is black..."

Hilarious.   😜 

A boss from TATA motors walked into his office one morning, not knowing that his zip was down. 

His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked, 

"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" 

This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. 

He zipped it up and remembered what his secretary had asked him; 

finally understood. 

Then he intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, he said, 

"When you saw the garage door open, did you see my JAGUAR parked in there?"

The secretary smiled for a moment and said, 

"No, Boss, I didn't. All I saw was "A TATA NANO with 2 flat tyres😷😷

fired 😜😜😜😜

Must read very useful:

😴😀 SOMETHING YOU 

           MIGHT HAVE NOT 

           KNOWN And NEED 

           TO KNOW !!

🐜  Ants Problem:

       Ants hate Cucumbers. 

       "KEEP the skin of 

        Cucumbers near the 

        Place where they are

        or at Ant Hole.   

 🎆  To make the Mirror 

        Shine:

        "Clean with Sprite"

 

  💨 To remove Chewing 

        Gum from Clothes:

        "Keep the Cloth in 

        the Freezer for One 

        Hour"

 

💭   To Whiten White 

        Clothes:

        "Soak White Clothes 

        in hot water with a 

        Slice of Lemon for 10 

        Minutes" 

 

 🙇  To give a Shine to 

        your Hair: 

        "Add one Teaspoon 

        of Vinegar to Hair, 

        then wash Hair"

 

 🍋  To get maximum 

        Juice out of Lemons:

        "Soak Lemons in Hot 

        Water for One Hour, 

        and then juice them" 

 

🍞  To avoid smell of 

       Cabbage while 

       cooking: 

       "Keep a piece of 

        Bread on the 

        Cabbage in the 

        Vessel while cooking"

 

👕  To remove Ink from 

       Clothes:

       "Put Toothpaste 🍥 

       on the Ink Spots 

       generously and let it 

       dry completely, then 

       wash"

 

🐀  To get rid of Mice or 

       Rats: 

       "Sprinkle Black 

       Pepper in places 

       where you find Mice & 

       Rats. They will run 

       away"

 🍸 Take Water Before 

       Bedtime..

       "About 90% of Heart 

       Attacks occur Early in 

       the Morning & it can 

       be reduced if one 

       takes a Glass or two 

       of Water before going 

       to bed at Night"

 💐 We Know Water is 

       important but never 

       knew about the 

       Special Times one 

       has to drink it.. !!

       Did you  ???  

 💦 Drinking Water at the 

       Right Time ⏰ 

       Maximizes its 

       effectiveness on the 

       Human Body;

       1⃣  1 Glass of Water 

              after waking up -

             🕕⛅ helps to 

              activate internal 

              organs..

       2⃣  1 Glass of Water 

              30 Minutes  🕧 

              before a Meal - 

              helps digestion..

       3⃣ 1 Glass of Water 

              before taking a 

              Bath 🚿 - helps 

              lower your blood 

              pressure.

       4⃣ 1 Glass of Water 

              before going to 

              Bed - 🕙 avoids 

              Stroke  or Heart 

              Attack.

One of the best messages I have read in recent times :

Time Will Come !

New York is 3 hours ahead of California but it does not mean that California is slow, or that New York is fast. Both are  working based on their own "Time Zone."

Some one is still single. Someone got married and 'waited' 10 years before having a child. There is another who had a baby within a year of marriage.

Someone graduated at the age of 22, yet waited 5 years before securing a good job; and there is another who graduated at 27 and secured employment immediately !

Someone became CEO at 25 and died at 50 while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. 

Everyone works based on their 'Time Zone',

People can have things worked out only according to their pace.

Work in your "time zone".

Your Colleagues, friends, younger ones might "seem" to go ahead of you.

May be some might "seem" behind you.

Don't envy them or mock them, it's their 'Time Zone.' 

You are in yours!

Hold on, be strong, and stay true to yourself. All things shall work together for your good. 

You're not late … You are not early ... you're very much On time!

😊👍

Stay blessed.

You Are In Your Time Zone.... 🌐

A woman saw 3 saints in front of her house. She did not know any of them. 

She said – 

"Kindly come inside and have food."

The saints replied – "Is your husband inside the house?"

Woman – "No, he has gone out."

Saints – "Will step into the house only when he is there."

In the evening when the woman's husband returns home, she tells him about the saints. 

Husband – "Go and tell them I am home, and invite them inside the house."

She went out and called the saints inside the house. 

The saints now said – "We all don't go inside anyone's house together."

"But why?" – the woman asked.

One of the saints replied – "My name is wealth." 

Then he pointed to the other saints and said –

"These two saints' names are 'prosperity' and 'love'.

Only one of us can come inside your house!

You go in, discuss with your family and decide which saint you want to invite."

The woman went inside and told her husband all about this. 

He was excited.

He said – "If this is the matter, let us invite wealth! Our house will then be filled with happiness."

Wife – "I feel we should invite prosperity."

Their daughter was in the next room. She was listening to the discussions.  She came outside and said – 

"I feel we should invite love. Nothing is more important."

"You are right, we should invite love only." – her parents agreed.

The woman went out and asked the saints – 

"Who is love? Please come inside the house."

Love started walking towards the house!  

The other two saints started following love. 

The surprised woman asked the saints – 

"I only invited love. Why are you two also coming inside the house?"

One of the saints replied – "If you had invited prosperity or wealth, only that saint would have entered your house. 

But you have invited love! 

Love never walks alone.

Whereever there's love, there's prosperity and wealth. They all go hand in hand."

Read this story once, twice, thrice ...

If you like it, stay with love.

Spread love, give love and take love. 

As love is the only secret to success!!!

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Photo from Pal (Palani)

*Just Drops!*

Recently, when I was going to bed after using my bathroom, I started hearing sound of drops of water from the tap in slow successions, but since it was dropping into an empty bucket, I decided to let it be.

But, alas! When I woke up the next morning, around 5am, the bucket was almost full! I was surprised that just drops even in such slow successions could produce that much. I couldn't help it, 'Just drops?!' I questioned rhetorically.

But the following night, I made sure that the tap in my bathroom was locked completely and I checked the bucket and saw that it was empty, though wet. Then I went to sleep.

I guess you already know what I saw the next morning. The bucket was not wet as I had left it, but it was now dry!

Then I realized the importance of a drop and how much difference it can make in all ramifications of one's life compared to a dry tap.

Imagine letting the drops be for a year, I would be scooping with drums at the end of the year!

So, how about that drop of savings?

How about that drop of kindness and love everyday? 

How about a drop of reading useful books today and every day?

How about that drop of a verse of the scripture today and every day?

How about that drop of prayer today and every day?

How about a drop of worship today and every day?

How about a drop of step towards your God-given dream today and every day?

How about a drop of giving into your heavenly account?

What virtue and discipline will you start today in little drops?

Never neglect the importance of a drop, for when the harvest time comes, you would have made a big difference.

*......Ponder on this thought*

*The Naked Truth of Life*

There was a man with four wives. He loved his fourth wife the most and took great care of her and gave her the best.

He also loved his third wife and always wanted to show her off to his friends. However, he always had a fear that she might runaway with some other man.

He loved his second wife too. Whenever he faced some problems, he always turned to his second wife and she would always help him out.

He did not love his first wife though she loved him deeply, was very loyal to him and took great care of him. 

One day the man fell very ill and knew that he is going to die soon. He told himself, *_"I have four wives. I will take one of them along with me when I die to keep me company in my death."_*

Thus, he asked the fourth wife to die along with him and keep him company. *_"No way!"_* she replied and walked away without another word.

He asked his third wife. She said *_"Life is so good over here. I'm going to remarry when you die"._*

He then asked his second wife. She said *_"I'm Sorry. I can't help you this time around. At the most I can only accompany you till your grave."_*

By now his heart sank and he turned cold. Then a voice called out: *_"I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go."_*

The man looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the man said, *_"I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"_*

Actually, we all have four wives in our lives.

a. *The fourth wife is our body.* No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. *The third wife is our possession, status and wealth.* When we die, they go to others.

c. *The second wife is our family and friends.* No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. *The first wife is our soul,* neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and pleasure. It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.

*_One of the best messages I have received_*

Pass it on..... 

🙏🌹Beautiful message.😊👍🙏🙏

📢 Wife calls her scientist husband

"Honey... Its Saturday night...... u r late...!!"

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment."

"What's that?"

"We've just added a *derivative of C2H5OH* (whiskey) with *ambient temperature H2O* (water) and *aqueous CO2* (soda). To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, *solidified H2O* (ice), now while waiting for some *protein* (chicken tikka), we are *fumigating* (smoking) the lab with vapours of nicotine...

It's 4 or 5 round experiment. So I will be late."

"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take ur time.." ⚽💣

A young college girl at a bus stop spotted handsome Man and without hesitation went to him and said, "you look cute.. I like you.".... 

Man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said, "My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Please go home and study hard so that you can have a good career and successful life."..

He then placed a piece of paper on her hand and said, "I have written some words of wisdom for you. Read them before you go to sleep."

And then he walked away.

The girl went back to her hostel in shame and before she slept she opened up the paper and read thus:

"Are you blind?? My wife was standing right behind me.

 😱 Any way, this is my number.

Call me anytime. ...........

By the way, I like you too!"😜

😄 😄 😄 Men are always Men !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you just hear what you want to hear.

At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said, "Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".

I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "What she really said was:  666136429."😅😅😅

* Kan pei 干杯! *

A Chinese businessman entertaining his guest from England.

Each time the Chinese lift the glass, he says to his British associate: Kan Pei 干杯! (Cheers).

The Englishman was stunned and silent, but he continued eating.

It keeps recurring, each time the Chinese want to drink, he exclaimed: Kan Pei 干杯!

Finally, the British put the cutlery and said aloud to his Chinese associate :

* "It's all right if you CAN'T PAY! 

I will pay! Now, shut up and eat !!! *" 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

This is a killer....

A man was leaving a cafe, when he noticed an unusual funeral...

A funeral coffin was followed by a second one.

Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with the black dog..😾

Behind him was queue of 200 men walking in straight line  🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶

The man couldnt stand his curiosity..😳

He approached the man walking with the dog 🚶😾

 sorry to disturb you...

but i ve never seen a funeral like this with so many walking in a straight line.

Who's funeral is it ?????

He replied ,the first coffin is of my WIFE.

What happned to her????

My dog attacked and killed her..

The second coffin????

Its my MOTHER IN LAW?.she was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her too..

A silent moment passed and then he asked can I borrow the dog????

And he replied..

Get in the line.🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶

😆😝😁

If you have too many women in your life, you are successful like *Mr. Trump*. 

If you have no woman in your life, then also you are successful like *Mr. Modi*. 

Real problem is for *those who have only one woman in life* 

😜😂😃

Mr Anantharaman Subbaraman from Tamil Nadu was waiting for clearence in US airport for over an hour..

 

He went to the counter and asked "why are you not calling my name"?

Officer- "We have been announcing & calling you for so long. Where were you"?? The flight has not taken off since you are absent in your allotted seat in the aircraft.

In the meantime announcement came "final call for Mr. 'ANOTHERMAN SUPERMAN ' please board the plane"

Absolute Classic!!!

Arrested for laughing...!!

This is from an actual trial in the UK.

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. 

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. 

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. 

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. 

She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was:- 

When the lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. 

She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon".. 

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, 

which read:- "William's stick did the trick".. 

Then I could not control myself any longer,

when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".. 

The case was dismissed. 

The judge fell off his chair laughing ! 😂😂😂

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4. 

I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.

The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right.

The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4 immediately.

The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

*The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent. 

*The principal was looking restless*

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Chinekeme!!.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!!.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, 

"Send this BLOODY boy to the university...

Even I myself got all the answers wrong!"

*LOL!!. DON'T SPOIL THE FUN & SHARE WITH FRIENDS*

A married woman entered a Pharmacy, she walked to the Pharmacist looked straight into his eyes and said: 'I would like to buy FAST KILLING POISON FOR HUMANS'.

The bewildered Pharmacist asked: 'Why, what for? The lady replied: 'I need it to poison my husband'.

The Pharmacist shouted: 'Lord have mercy, it's against the law! It's a sin.'

Absolutely not! shouted the lady. She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and screamed: 'Why didn't you tell me you had a Prescription....  😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂  😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

Don't laugh alone share the joke!!