Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid
down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
Marriage
Migrating to Australia
A Chinese man decides to retire and move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a small piece of land . A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way,...pause...., and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs?
I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no ... Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.'
'What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.'
Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me' replied the Chinese man,
'He say to become true Australian, I must learn to..... chase chicks,..... get piss drunk, and .... listen to bull-shit.'
Please read - tell your sons / daughters
Please take time to read!! Very important!!! tell your friends, sons/daughters about it
A well-known family in Mequon lost their 25 year old son (Arun Gopal Ratnam) in a fire at home June 4th.
This is what happened. He graduated with MBA from University of Wisconsin-Madison two weeks earlier and came home. Had a lunch with his dad at home and decided to go back to clean up his room at school. Father told him to wait and see his mother before he goes back for a few days.
He decided to take a nap while waiting for his mom to come home from work.
Neighbors called 911 when they saw black smoke coming out of the house. Their 25 year old son Arun died in the three year old house. It took several days of investigation to find out the cause of the fire.
It was determined that the fire was caused by lap top in the bed.
When the lap top is on the bed cooling fan does not get air to cool the computer and that is what caused the fire.
Uneven surface of the bed sheet has blocked the air intake vent below the cpu fan. When the laptop is placed on a flat surface i.e. on desk/table, there is a gap between the desk surface and the base of the casing to allow air to flow/suck in through the air intake vent by the cpu fan to cool the cpu.
This paragraph is added in by sender for better understanding of the scenario.
He did not even wake up to get out of the bed he died of carbon monoxide (CO).
The reason I'm writing this to all of you is that I have seen all of us using our lap top in bed. Let us all decide and make it a practice not to do that. Risk is real. Let us make it a rule not to use lap top in bed or put computer on bed with blankets and pillows around.
Broadcast this message & you may save others!!
LAUGHTHER THE BEST MEDICINE
Advertisement In Shop:
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap........
.......no strings attached.
Ad. In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight....
One Lung At A Time!
On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.
The more The Success,
The more The Relatives.
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking....
I Gave Up Reading
My Grandfather Is Eighty
And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay In Advance.'
Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her Way....
Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions.
Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone
The Surest Sign
That Intelligent Life Exists
Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber's Shop :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..
Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager
High Level Maths
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
*******
For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.
---
Law of Attraction - Step 4
Have gratitude. Make a list each morning of at least 3 things you have to be grateful for. The list will grow as you begin to acknowledge all you already have. Be grateful for what you have now as you work to realize how to attract wealth into your life. Many people feel that they have no wealth in their lives because they do not acknowledge what they do already have. Having an "attitude of gratitude" is a critical component in knowing how to attract wealth.
Regards
Palani
Palvision.blogspot.com
Conversation
Awesome Conversation between God And a Man. Read it and don't forget to share it with your friends.
Man: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Man: Promise You won't get mad …
God: I promise
Man: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Man: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Man: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Man: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Huummm
Man: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Man: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
Man (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Man: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Man (embarrassed): Okay
God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Man (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Man: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me…. in All things , the Good & the bad.
Man: I will trust You.
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
Man: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children…
REPOST if you believe in GOD
Good 1! Gud morn!
I'm sorry to disturb you !. My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and alwys bless u. I am always with you. I need you to spend 30mns of your time with Me today. Don't pray. Just praise. Today I want this message across the world before midnight. Will you help ? Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me ! A blessing is coming your way. Pls Drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the Best Day of your Life. Don't break this chain. Send this to 14 friends in 10mns.
Why Do we feel sleepy in Prayer,
But stay awake through a 3 hour movie?
Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK,
But find it easy to read other books?
Why is it so easy to ignore a msg about God,
Yet we forward the nasty ones?
Why are Prayers getting smaller,
But bars and clubs are expanding?
Why is it so easy to worship a celebrity,
But very difficult to engage with God?
Think about it, are you going to forward this?
Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you will get laughed at?
Forward this to all your friends.
80% of you won't forward this.
God said:
If you deny me in front of your
friends, I will deny you on the day of judgment:
When one door closes , God opens two : If God has opened doors for you,
send this message to everyone
including me....
God has no BLACKBERRY but he's my favorite contact ... !!
He is not on FACEBOOK but he is my best friend .... !!
He is not on TWITTER but I still follow him .... !!
& even without the INTERNET I am always connected to him .....!!
He is not on WHATSAPP but he's always online .....!!
Forward this
if God's been good to you....
Interesting Observation
|
Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future but today is a gift that's why it's called the present.
Bet you'll play this twice...
THIS IS THE "POWER" OF ADS
This is really the best fun commercial.
CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW...
http://www.youtube.com/embed/pfxB5ut-KTs?rel=0
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