Age

HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. 

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. 

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL . 

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED 

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. 

THEN THE UGLY, 

OLD, 

BALD, 

WRINKLED, 

FAT ARSED, 

GREY HAIRED, 

BASTARD ASKED..

"WHAT DID YOU TEACH ??????

New Virus

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

 

Take Care….

 

Take care..

Regards

Philo & Palani

PAL Vision Associates

palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5^th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

 

Little Girl on the Plane

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned To her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike Up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total ... Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask You a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same Stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"   The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, Thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.

 

 

Take care..

 

Regards

Palani

PAL Vision Associates

palani.nn@gmail.com , http://palvision.blogspot.com/

H/P:0123063994 Off:03-79635075 Fax:03-67315603

Address: 12B5H, Plaza Sungai Mas, 5^th Mile Jalan Ipoh, 51200 Kuala Lumpur

pal_vision-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ç Click here to subscribe to PalVision Mailing List

Marriage

Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the  wedding, he laid  
down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.  Any comments?'
 
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me.  Just understand that there will be sex here  at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

Migrating to Australia

A Chinese man decides to retire and move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

 

He bought a small piece of land . A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

 

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate  into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

 

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way,...pause...., and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

 

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs?

I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'

 

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no ... Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.'

 

'What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.'

 

Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me' replied the Chinese man,

'He say to become true Australian, I must learn to..... chase chicks,..... get piss drunk, and .... listen to bull-shit.'

Apples that changed the world

Please read - tell your sons / daughters

Please take time to read!! Very important!!! tell your friends, sons/daughters about it

 

A well-known family in Mequon lost their 25 year old son (Arun Gopal Ratnam) in a fire at home June 4th.

This is what happened. He graduated with MBA from University of Wisconsin-Madison two weeks earlier and came home. Had a lunch with his dad at home and decided to go back to clean up his room at school. Father told him to wait and see his mother before he goes back for a few days.

 

He decided to take a nap while waiting for his mom to come home from work.

Neighbors called 911 when they saw black smoke coming out of the house. Their 25 year old son Arun died in the three year old house. It took several days of investigation to find out the cause of the fire.

 

It was determined that the fire was caused by lap top in the bed.

When the lap top is on the bed cooling fan does not get air to cool the computer and that is what caused the fire.

Uneven surface of the bed sheet has blocked the air intake vent below the cpu fan. When the laptop is placed on a flat surface i.e. on desk/table, there is a gap between the desk surface and the base of the casing to allow air to flow/suck in through the air intake vent by the cpu fan to cool the cpu.

 

This paragraph is added in by sender for better understanding of the scenario.

He did not even wake up to get out of the bed he died of carbon monoxide (CO).

The reason I'm writing this to all of you is that I have seen all of us using our lap top in bed. Let us all decide and make it a practice not to do that. Risk is real. Let us make it a rule not to use lap top in bed or put computer on bed with blankets and pillows around.

 

Broadcast this message & you may save others!!

 

LAUGHTHER THE BEST MEDICINE

Advertisement  In Shop:  
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap........
.......no  strings attached.


Ad. In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight....
One Lung At A  Time!  


On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.  
The more The Success,
The more The  Relatives.  
 

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking....
I Gave Up Reading  
 

My Grandfather Is Eighty
And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.  


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay In Advance.'   


Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her Way....


Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman. 
 

The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions. 
 

Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.  


Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone 


The Surest Sign
That Intelligent Life Exists  
Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.  
 

Sign At A Barber's Shop :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..  
 

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager

High Level Maths

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

 

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

 

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

 

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

 

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

_____________________________

HAPPINESS

 

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

______________________________

LONGEVITY

 

Married men live longer than single men do but married men are a lot more willing to die.

 

______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 

_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

 

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

 

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

*******

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

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